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Recent News From D. | R. - H.Q.

Drunk ladies from poor villages like Rockford, IL on Derby | Reynolds godfishie eaten' benders.

Lippy’s Lessons | 18: My Favorite Word is BENDER and Labor Day is some Bowl Sheet, Y’all!

Y’all wondering if Sean Lippy be dead these days?  Guess what, nope.  My mother f**king ass has been working– unlike most of y’all.  I work for the greatest company of all, Derby | Reynolds.  We don’t take bullish!t public sector holidays off like “Labor Day”.  Hail naw, that’s some bowl sh!t.  Most of those mother […]

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Thom Derby, caught driving in Milwaukee, WI, in his younger days before his first million. Photograph submission by Justin P.

Lord Thomas Derby’s Cars, Photographed by Fans of The United States of Derby | Reynolds™

Fans of the United States of Derby | Reynolds™ have caught our CEO and LORD of all, Thom Derby, driving many vintage and collectible cars over the years.  Below are a few photos of Thom’s cars that our soldiers have sent us.  If you see Thom or one of our sales raid members driving through […]

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Thom Derby, CEO & LORD of all, Sponsors & Stars on Radio Show

Mr. Thomas Derby started off 2012 by sponsoring poor artists in poor regions of America.  One of those sponsorships turned into a part-time starring role for Thom.  Our CEO and LORD of all has joined the incredible radio show, Andy & Reggie’s Songs About Stuff & Things Radio Hour. 12 episodes total season 1, the […]

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Mr. Gordin thought Sean Lippy was gay. Mr. Gordin loves Motley Crüe.

Lippy’s Lessons | 17: Mr. Gordin is the Son of the Father

… and the Fathers of the Sons destroyed it all for their Sons to Fix but they can’t and they don’t and it won’t stop cause this is America and pastyassed sons of good ol’ boys be runnin Taco Johns and loving on Motley Crüe. Yo yo yo smothér sü©kers, this here Lippy Lesson goes […]

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NEW COMPANY CAR! Introducing the 2012 Derby Lamboguinea™

Thomas Derby, CEO AND LORD OF ALL IN THE YOU$A™, Buys Custom Orange Lamborghini To Replace Custom Orange H2 Hummers! Thomas Derby, the CEO & LORD of all here at DerbyReynolds.com, has decided to raid poor villages in America with his new custom orange Lamborghini.  During today’s 3.875 hour creative production meeting, Thom announced: “I […]

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'I am the only son of late King Arawi'

F.A.Q. By YOU$A: Does Derby | Reynolds Accept Charitable Donations From Sick, Dying Strangers, and 3rd World Country Leaders?

NO. We have been contacted many times by kings, princes, and dying, nice elderly strangers who want to donate their remaining monies or possessions to our company. We do not accept such here at AMERICA’S COMPANY, Derby | Reynolds.  Our fearless leader, Thom Derby, states, “We believe in a God Damned motto that I made […]

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Derby Birdie™:  Sent to save Sean Lippy's Sex Life

Lippy’s Lessons | 16: Springtime is here, and Lippy gonna git sum!

  Yawl feel me? That’s right. Winter is mother fucking over.  It feels like yesterday that me and T-Derbs were hunting for monster bucks and saw that orange-furred monster doe with the white dot on it.  Was it all a dream? Hail fucking no. What you think? Lippy don’t dream, he scheme, that’s right- I […]

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make italian nachos

Kowalski’s Corner | 2: make italian nachos

OUR KEYWORD SEARCH RESULT WINNER(s) OF THE WEEK!* “make italian nachos” Congratulations to the 19 people who apparently found our company’s website in google using that keyword phrase.  We believe you were able to locate our site because our legendary I.T. admin, Sean Lippy, has written many times about his love for ‘”Talian Nachos“.  Read […]

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Kowalski's Corner

Kowalski’s Corner | 1: you broke the internet

OUR KEYWORD SEARCH RESULT WINNER(s) OF THE WEEK!* “you broke the internet” Congratulations to the 3 people who apparently found our company’s website in google using that keyword phrase. You’re awesome and so are we. Til next week.       Jennifer Kowalski Marketing Research Director e:  [email protected] DERBY | REYNOLDS

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90% Off


Everyone at DERBY | M*THER F*CKING | REYNOLDS are proud to announce our new capitalist marketing campaign called… 90% OFF THE 1 PERCENT’S COST!  There’s a catch and it’s aimed at public school districts, state, and city government department marketing budgets!  We don’t want to help other capitalist companies, we are seeking to assist tax-payer […]

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