PRESS RELEASE: FEBRUARY 20, 2020 Lord Thomas Derby, esteemed CEO of DERBY |...
Recent News From D. | R. - H.Q.
Lord Thomas Derby, CEO, Enters 2020 Presidential Election Race
PRESS RELEASE: FEBRUARY 20, 2020 Lord Thomas Derby, esteemed CEO of DERBY | REYNOLDS—THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING™—is entering the 2020 Presidential Election Race. The Kenosha, Wisconsin, native and adopted $ON OF $CHAUMBURG—also known as an enemy to all scumbag politicians and business owners from the Rockford, Illinois, region—officially announced his candidacy for President of the […]
Jesus Correa — 2017 Rockford Mayoral Candidate
June 6th, 2016 ©O®®É@ YOU$A™ HQ PRE$$ RELEASE Dear Jesus, future mayor of Rockford, a poor village located south of the Wisconsin-Illinois border: Your LORD and CEO of ALL in the YOU$A is here to help you market the market with your emotionally positive civic pride— sans public charity and federal grants. My company and […]
A Letter from Thomas Derby regarding the split of Derby | Reynolds into 2 Divisions
Mr. Thom Derby happily announces the new division, “Derby | Reynolds – Marketing Solutions, A Division of DERBY | REYNOLDS”! As of October 1st, 2011, we here at Derby | Reynolds – Marketing Solutions, a Division of DERBY | REYNOLDS, will specialize in providing the global marketplace a place to rest your weary head, a […]
A Day in the Life of an Account Executive (AE) According to Alyssa Sojahnowski, Derby | Reynolds’ Sexiest AE
Account Executives (AEs) and Marketing Directors at Derby Reynolds — THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING™ must adhere to a strict daily schedule. Below is a daily list of events provided by our extremely attractive Jr. Sales Rep of Accounts and Executively Positive Behaviors, Alyssa Sojahnowski, to help anyone who is interested in becoming a successful AE […]
We Must $ave the Village of Rockford in Illinois to Preserve the Economic Health of $chaumburg!
Dear LinkedIn community; or shall I address you here within as LIC? I write to you, LIC, with economic and logical concerns for the village of Rockford in Illinois, about fifty miles from my company’s headquarters in sunny Schaumburg of Illinois. Emotion and delusion is running rampant amongst the peasants and is spreading outwards towards […]
Boosting Career Value Begins by Being the Carrot, Not a Rabbit
Jobs are no different than carrots. Like rabbits, we humans work through gravel, grass, sand, water and dirt to find the nicest carrot that fits our needs. Finding the best, healthiest, most nutritional carrot might be as easy as becoming the carrot–instead of always thinking you must be the rabbit. In fact, you should become […]
Lord Derby Performs “The 12 Days of Working” Holiday Medley! FREE MP3
Our CEO and LORD of ALL, Lord Thomas Derby, recorded this version of the “12 Days of Christmas” last year for his podcast show, Songs about Stuff and Things. (It was a part of the holiday episode which can be downloaded at iTunes’ store by clicking here.) Our Lord Derby’s version of the holiday classic […]
Letter From Our Lord and CEO of All to Larry
January 12th, 2013 Dear Lawerence; or shall I address you here within as Larry? I have just read yours of the 29th. electronically addressed to myself through the world wide web of information. If there be in it any statements, or assumptions of fact, which I may know to be erroneous, I do not, now […]
METAL PANTIES 101: Lord Thom Derby Introduces Metal Panties Rules
Today’s 4th annual third Quarterly meeting had every single Derby | Reynolds employee hi-fiving, hugging and making out with each other after Lord Derby’s speech. The CEO AND LORD OF ALL HERE AT THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING™ was in high form, smiling and yelling. BElow is a transcription of his speech to us: “That’s right. […]
Kowalski’s Corner | 3: Lamboguinea
OUR KEYWORD SEARCH RESULT WINNER(s) OF THE MONTH OF AUGUST: “lamboguinea” Congratulations to 41 people who apparently found our company’s website in Google using that keyword. We believe you were able to locate our site because our CEO and LORD OF ALL, Thomas Derby, has been seen driving his new, custom orange, Lamboguinea through poor […]
