Lippy’s Lessons | 3: Friday Funday Be Givin’ Me The Diarrhea Or Those ‘Talian Nachos Had Some Funky Pepperonis

Friday funday at the office can be a bit tricky. Half the staff likes to sport they orange polos with the white dots, that’s the way they be dressin down round this bitch but I don’t wear polos. Fuck that shit, I like to cover up my arms in a nice dress shirt even if it is Friday Funday. Lyssa always be trippin on me, “Come on Sean, show them your guns!” I’m always like, “Shut the hail up baby! I save that shit for you- PRIVATE TIME. These mother fuckers need to know less about my shit.”

Those orange polos are fine and all but my ass lives for the Friday Funday lunches with my boys in accounting. Jeff (Tethernick) and Neil (Heatherstraught) like to wear their dress shirts too. We here at DERBY | REYNOLDS can still have fun on Fridays in nice clothes. Especially when we hit the Old Chicago Restaurant and Tavern for some delicious ‘Talian Nachos. Today was a little different though. My ass is on fire.

I think our waitress Brenda (she serves us every time we be goin there cause Neil gots the hots for that tight ass waitress) may have been all googly eyed with some other table of advertising douce bags cause these ‘Talian Nachos ran right through my mother fuckin’ ass! I can’t stay away from the bathroom longer than 10 minutes without having to park myself in the mens room!

I’m thinkin I had some bad pepperonis but I talked to Jeff and Neil and those mother fuckers are like, “Seanny boy, it’s the cheese, you’re lactose intolerant. It’s not the pepperonis! We haven’t had any problems, you should see a doctor about the cheese because you get sick all the time- think about it.” It ain’t the cheese. I be eatin cheese all day long, Jeff. Neil even called Brenda at the restaurant to ask about the nachos and she was like, “Oh Neil! Our pepperoni is delicious! No one else has called today about getting the shits from our nachos. Sorry.” Neil be laughing at me and shit. He’s like, “dude, do you think I should call her back and ask her out after her shift is done?” Whatever. Fuck you, Neil. Fuck you, Jeff and Fuck you, Brenda.

My ass is headin’ back to the toilet. Have a good weekend, yawl.

Sean Lippy
IT Administrator
E: [email protected]

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