Lippy’s Lessons | 2: This Coffee Maker Is Ruining My Day

Hello again, this is Sean Edward Lippy, IT Administrator for DERBY | REYNOLDS, checking in to relieve some office stress. I’ve been drinking questionable coffee again today so forgive me ahead of time before my mother fucking mouth goes off the rails.

How hard is it for your office manager to make sure that the coffee makers are clean and ready roll every day? Pretty hard. I know some bitches up in this place that have been complaining too about these coffee grounds be grindin up our taste buds in the mornings. Today is no exception, it has been a shitty day and it’s not even noon yet.

I’ve visited online forums all morning to discuss this problem with other office workers all across the United States and India. Everybody be havin the same problems, even the asshole IT guys in Russia and China. God- damn shitty coffee makers be messin’ up office peoples lives every day!

Some peoples said, “try some vinegar”, and other mother fuckers were like, “I just go to the Starbucks before work, I refuse to drink office coffee.”  There seems to be an office epidemic all across the world with shitty coffee makers ruining our mother fucking days!  Nikolai from Russia said, “Vodka make it all better Seanny boy.”

I told Alyssa in H.R. a few times already now this year, “Yo baby I don’t think I can drink the coffee anymore, it’s nasty. I be regurgitating my own phlegm, instant diarrhea and some major sweats to boot. Those coffee makers ain’t right, baby.”  She always be laughing at me goin, “Seanny boy, you make me laugh, you so cute, 12:10? Bathroom? Or the Janitor’s closet? Your pick today.”

Come on Lyssa baby.  This coffee maker problem needs to be taken seriously, I ain’t fuckin’ around no more.

Even the important guys around here don’t give a shit. I don’t know how many times I’ve asked Jeff (Tethernick) in accounting, “Yo J, I gots some shitty mother fucking coffee here again. Grounds be tripping up my taste buds, how’s yo cup?”  Jeff always has nice things to say even when it’s bad, “I mean, it’s definitely not good coffee, but it’s better than nothing, Sean. How’s your day going?”

“Shitty, Jeff, why you always gots to be so positive about shitty situations? It ain’t like it’s gonna fix itself and YOU BE THE MONEY MAN!  Come on Jeff, give a shit, help a brother out. My mother fucking day is ass up in the air stinky again because we gots some damn coffee makers ruining my day– aw man… orange alert on the old Agent Orange server grid… shit, back to work. I catch you later, Jeff.”

Hopefully tomorrow will be better, I check back in with yawl later.

Sean Lippy
IT Administrator
 [email protected]

Tags: , , , ,

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.