January 12th, 2013
Dear Lawerence; or shall I address you here within as Larry?
I have just read yours of the 29th. electronically addressed to myself through the world wide web of information. If there be in it any statements, or assumptions of fact, which I may know to be erroneous, I do not, now and here, controvert them.
As to the donations you “seem to be pursuing for re-election” that you have implied throughout the village, I have not meant to leave any one in doubt.
I would save the CherryVale Mall and spare the Colonial Village but I would sacrifice the roofs of false beliefs in exchange for the health of Buffalo Wild Wings and The Olympic Tavern. Pizzas from Capri Restaurant will supplement and nourish the mouths of all who follow thy Lord into the Forest City against your will. I would save it the shortest way under my official documents titled “Lord Thomas Derby’s Constitution”. Are you aware of the implications that could arise shall you not trust in the YOU$A™? The sooner the Forest City’s authority can be restored; the nearer the YOU$A™ will be “the YOU$A™ as it was.” If there be those who would not save the YOU$A™, unless they could at the same time save the poor and oppressed villagers of the Forest City, I do not agree with them. If there be those who would not save the YOU$A™ unless they could at the same time destroy the Forest City, I do not agree with them. My paramount object in this struggle is to save the YOU$A™, and is not either to save or to burn the Forest City down to ashes and fire. If I could save the YOU$A™ without freeing any Forest City dweller or as you wrote, “peasant”, I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the peasants I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that. What I do about peasantry, and the minions, I do because I believe it helps to save the YOU$A™; and what I forbear, I forbear because I do not believe it would help to save the YOU$A™. I shall do less whenever I shall believe what I am doing hurts the cause, and I shall do more whenever I shall believe doing more will help the cause. I shall try to correct errors when shown to be errors; and I shall adopt new views so fast as they shall appear to be true views.
I have here stated my purpose according to my view of official duty; and I intend no modification of my oft-expressed personal wish that all men every where could be free to rise and wear their metal panties in celebration. All men shall be deemed worthy of a free pony and three pairs of metal panties once the restoration of the YOU$A™ is complete.
Lord Thomas Derby
CEO and LORD of All
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