Derby Birdie™: Sent to save Sean Lippy's Sex Life
Yawl feel me? That’s right. Winter is mother fucking over. It feels like yesterday that me and T-Derbs were hunting for monster bucks and saw that orange-furred monster doe with the white dot on it. Was it all a dream? Hail fucking no. What you think? Lippy don’t dream, he scheme, that’s right- I just 3rd person punched yawl balls with my words. Sit down now, I fenda tale you a story about my plump assed penis and what happens to it when springtime is here.
Bout this time last year, Alyssa Sojahnowski & I, were doin it every Tuesday at noon, but that hoe dumped me to take a promotion with Big Bill Reynolds department. So me and my boy (he also my boss), Thom Derby, went hunting for awhile. He said to me, “Seanny, take the time to get over that hot assed girlfriend who dumped yawl. Find yourself a teacher or a nurse, someone to boss you around, whine with you a bit. No need to wallow over a Jr. Account Sales Executive like Alyssa. ” Well, Thom. Easier said than done, but he was right.
I wrote poems with my friend, Brian, this winter. We’d sit around and wait for snow but it never came. We gots really drunk and wrote for our country many a nights; and then it happened, I woke up with an erection for the first time in months!
You see, I hadn’t had an old fashioned hard-on since Alyssa baby dumped me for her career. I tried everything; porn, waitresses, book store cafes on Friday nights, cafes at fake churces on Tuesday nights, sex addict anonymous groups, you name it. Nothing moved the Lippy like the Lyssa baby did on Tuesdays at noon until this morning.
I heard the birdies singing and the rain falling down. I opened my eyes to see that my bed sheet was pitched up like a tent. I said to myself, “What the hail?” It confused me cause Lippy don’t dream. Not one girl be travelin’ through my brain to trigger this event. I looked up at the ceiling and smiled. IT was back! My mother fucking plump assed penis was back, finally. I called Thom, Brian, Barry, Jeff from Accounting, to tell them I was ready to hit Chili’s and Olive Garden. Time to follow through on all the fine assed ladies who try to be feeding me they phone numbers when all Liipy wanted to do was eat, drink and wallow in his winter blues.
No mo, springtime is here, and Lippy gonna git sum!
Regards,
Sean Lippy
I.T. Administrator for America’s Company
Derby | Reynolds – THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING™
