We have been contacted many times by kings, princes, and dying, nice elderly strangers who want to donate their remaining monies or possessions to our company. We do not accept such here at AMERICA’S COMPANY, Derby | Reynolds. Our fearless leader, Thom Derby, states, “We believe in a God Damned motto that I made up drunk one night that if we can’t fit it in a casket, we don’t want it. Take your filthy monies and your leftover garbage somewhere else because we believe in putting the $ back into YOU$A, not U$!™”
We hope that helps anyone understand our position about accepting charitable donations. See below. An email exchange between an inquiring, dying, mind and our hot-assed Jr. Account Sales Exectutive Rep, Alyssa Sojahnowski.
Hello, Mrs. Kruger,
Thank you for contacting us. We hope you are alive and well still. Thank you as well for your nice offer but we don’t accept financial or material donations, nor participate in charitable activities because we are capitalists at DERBY | REYNOLDS. We are not a non-profit organization. You should seek out the RED CROSS, they are a hybrid, socialist business model that likes to help people and make money too. We like to make money, and money only. We enjoy helping people put the $ back into YOU$A, but not back into U$™. Thank you though for your dying considerations.
Take care and good luck with the rest of your time on earth, there’s a better place waiting for you.
Jr. Account Sales Executive Rep
DERBY | REYNOLDS
Marketing Solutions For a World Gone Mad
THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING™ – AMERICA’S COMPANY™ – PUTTING THE $ BACK INTO YOU$A!™
—– Original Message —–
Sent:Thu, 9 Feb 2012 12:31:55 +0100
Subject: i am dying Contact me for money
My name is Mrs. Elizabeth KrUger;I am 69 years old dying widow who have being diagnosed with cancer,I have decided to donate what i have to you for charitable Work, contact me for details