A Letter from Thomas Derby regarding the split of Derby | Reynolds into 2 Divisions

Thom Derby and Bill Reynolds, like trees in the prime of their careers, split the company into 2 Divisions

Mr. Thom Derby happily announces the new division, “Derby | Reynolds – Marketing Solutions, A Division of DERBY | REYNOLDS”!

As of October 1st, 2011, we here at Derby | Reynolds – Marketing Solutions, a Division of DERBY | REYNOLDS, will specialize in providing the global marketplace a place to rest your weary head, a place to laugh, to release, to read and take comfort in the irony of the workplace.  A place we know very well to be filled with evil, unethical men and women who practice in deceiving the public into buying into services and products that have ruined you, your families, and the world.  We are here to call your attention to garbage, also known as ‘marketing’.  Taglines, commercials, billboards, web banners, brochures, mailers, spam- you name it!  Anything and everything that sells a product or a service, we are here to call out contradictions and poor ethics in the American advertising and marketing industry to attention with satire and humor.

My team is composed of extreme leftover realists from the real office world;  not negative humorists, as many have written in to complain about.  I stand by my men and women.  They are survivors of the workplace; many having been laid off one too many times by wealthy, uneducated, shady-ass-hillbilly-white men in Bergners suits.  Note:  my team does not shop at Bergners.

Old Bill Reynolds and I had our disagreements which you may have read about here.  We wrestled over the health of our very successful company.  We didn’t become THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING by being nice. No. We learned a long time ago that nice guys finish last in America.  We chose to not play the game at all that many ad firms build their success on.  What is that game?  To take money from you, the consumer.  We chose otherwise.  We chose to take their clients, ALL OF THEM, right in front of their pasty white faces; to give them bettter, cheaper marketing services based on their own estimate cost numbers.Call it the Robin Hood model, or unfair, but we chose to be neither nice nor mean- we simply chose to PUT THE $ BACK INTO YOU$A because many of you are so poor you couldn’t afford the time or thoughts to attempt such yourself!

Along the way, we had fun- some of us more than others.  My boy, Sean Lippy, in I.T. is one of the smartest mother f@ckers you’ll find on this or that side of the Mississippi River.  Big Bill Reynolds wanted to fire him and there was no way that was going to happen under my clock. Hail naw.  You see, Bill and I, we began to see success differently.  I don’t take stock in the dollar as Bill does- or his rat ho, LaVonne Hayes.  That old ho has been trying to slip the company power out from under me by sleeping with my old friend and colleague, Bill, for awhile now. Well, no more.  After a few months of legal formalities, here we are.

I, Thomas Derby, or as my boy in I.T., Sean, likes to call me, “T-Derbs”, hereby announces the creation of Derby | Reynolds – Marketing Solutions.  We are a Division of Derby | Reynolds.  We are not affiliated with William Reynolds, who hereby runs the “Marketing Services” department.  We are the Marketing Solutions department.  If you’re looking for real marketing services, go talk to Bill’s guys, we specialize in publishing humor for the industry’s true superheroes, the laborers, the professional creatives known as designers, programmers, copywriters, photographers, videographers. Those who are primarily the victims of poor ethical treatment in the workplace- we are here to offer humorous refuge from the scumbags (sales team reps, account executives, board members and ad firm owners).

Let us go forth now to be bigger, stronger, longer, wetter, blacker, anti-whiter, and funnier.

Regards,

Thom Derby
C.E.O
Derby | Reynolds – Marketing Solutions
{A Division of Derby | Reynolds}
E: thom@derbyreynolds.com

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