Archive | July, 2011

Lippy’s Lessons | 8: Chinga Tu Madre, Lavonne! Chinga Tu Madre, You Rat Ho!

Yawl prolly know wassup today.  LaVonne be rattin on me and sh!t. Old Ho told Big Bill Reynolds, one of our company’s founding fathers, that I be swearing up a storm in this house.  Yawl know what? I am. LaVonne has had it out for me since day 1. I even wrote about it last […]

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L>R: Thomas Derby and William Reynolds first met at  Leo Burnett, date of photo unknown though the office rumor is 1982, Chicago.  The ties reveal the origin of the Derby | Reynolds logo.

Trouble On The Homefront: Bill & Thom, Our Founding Fathers, Disagree & Wrestle Each Other

Derby | Reynolds’ Founding Fathers (Company Partners), Thomas Derby & William Reynolds, Punched Each Other Last Night After Arguing About Sean Lippy’s Language On the Internets. P.R. Release: 07.28.2011 Breaking news here at the company home front.  Thom Derby & Bill Reynolds had a heated argument last night regarding our I.T. Administrator’s language here on […]

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Lippy’s Lessons | 7: Too many IT guys be sleepin all day eating cheetohs n’ sh!t!

I cants gets a break here at D. | R. H.Q..  Bitches in Shipping and Receiving be stealin my orange custom patch cables  last Friday and some of yawl be trippin up the comments sections this week! Hump day be killin me todays because of one white advertising dude. So today’s lesson is fo this dude […]

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There’s no Value & Respect in Advertising; There’s Only the Color of Money, & it is Orange.

Hello everyone, it’s me again, LaVonne Hayes, the P.R. Director for this wonderful ripe tomato on a vine called DERBY | REYNOLDS.  I’ve been busy of late replying to Derby | Reynolds Racists (people who hate our colorful company). I do feel bad for these people… peasants, maybe.  Poor regions breed peasants. So sad!  Well […]

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Derby | Reynolds Racists Have Emotions, Customers are Right, But Derby | Reynolds Racists are 100% Wrong.

P.R. RELEASE 07-26-2011 Hello everyone, it’s me again, LaVonne Hayes, Director of Public Relations here at heaven on earth, DERBY | REYNOLDS.  Some of our Northern Illinois Regional Reps have been the recipients of negative comments of late, one was threatened (click here to read more about that incident), and another consumer from that poor […]

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Lippy’s Lessons | 6: Jimmy & Linda Be Stealin’ My Orange Ethernet Cables

Now I know somebody be stealin my orange ethernet cables from the IT supply closet I keep unlocked most days.  I’ve had a hunch for weeks that my orange cables were sneakin out on me but today confirmed my hunches.  Let me say this up front, it ain’t about the cables, it’s about somebody fenda […]

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Lippy’s Lessons | 5: Somebody best answer Jennifer Kowalski’s phone; or I fenda read my co-workers emails.

Somebody best find Jenny girl from Marketing Research. Her phone be dialed up like a mother fucker today! I says to Alyssa today, “yo Lyssa baby where the hell is Jenny girl at? That shit be ringin off the hook! Bitch locked dat doe and left the ringer volume on eleven! Come on, she know […]

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Lippy’s Lessons | 4: LaVonne in Public Relations made me very mad today.

LaVonne has been on my back all day about my language on the internets and I was like, “Scuse me Ms. Hayes? Who the hell do you think you are? I’ve seen what you’ve been saying to the consumers on the web site!” She be like, “Sean, there’s a big difference how and when I […]

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The Bon Iver of Orange Company Work Polo Shirts Debuts on TV

P.R. RELEASE:  06-20-2011: Justin Vernon of Bon Iver Sports our Orange Polo With a White dot on Colbert Report! Bon Iver, the alternative and independent R&B-80s folk-pop-metal band from Wisconsin (the land of Badgers and Packers and beautiful concrete roads) debuted their lead off single, “Calgary”, from their recent 2011 release on 06-20-2011 for Comedy […]

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Lippy’s Lessons | 3: Friday Funday Be Givin’ Me The Diarrhea Or Those ‘Talian Nachos Had Some Funky Pepperonis

Friday funday at the office can be a bit tricky. Half the staff likes to sport they orange polos with the white dots, that’s the way they be dressin down round this bitch but I don’t wear polos. Fuck that shit, I like to cover up my arms in a nice dress shirt even if […]

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